The Body You Have: Why I'm Done Asking Women to Love Their Bodies

Fuck perfect. Let's talk about the body you actually have.

I've been photographing women for a long time. Twenty years behind a camera. Fourteen of those years specializing in boudoir. More than a thousand women in front of my lens.

And if there's one thing I've learned, it's this:

Most women don't actually need another person telling them to love their bodies.

They need permission to stop fighting them.

Because somewhere along the way, we've made body love another fucking thing women are supposed to be good at.

Love your stretch marks. Love your cellulite. Love your belly. Love your wrinkles. Love your post-baby body. Love your aging body.

Love every single inch of yourself!

And if you don't?

Well, apparently you're doing self-love wrong.

I'm calling BS.

What if you don't love your body?

I'll be honest.

I don't love every part of my body every day.

Some days I look in the mirror and think, Well, that's certainly a body.

Some days I feel amazing in it. Some days I feel sexy.

Some days I feel bloated, tired, old, soft, uncomfortable or just... meh.

And I don't think any of those feelings need to be fixed.

Because body neutrality gives us another option.

You don't have to look in the mirror and declare that you love everything you see.

You can simply acknowledge:

This is my body.

It doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't have to be thin. It doesn't have to look twenty-five. It doesn't have to look like it did before kids.

It doesn't have to look like the women you see online. It doesn't even have to be your favourite thing about yourself. It's the body you have.

And it's the body you're living your life in.

Your body is not a before photo

This one gets me.

How many times have women looked at a photograph of themselves and immediately thought:

"I need to lose weight." "My arms look huge." "I hate my stomach."

"I'll do this when I've lost 20 pounds."

"Maybe next year."

And I get it.

I've heard these things thousands of times.

But here's what I want you to consider:

What if there is no before?

What if this isn't the body you're temporarily stuck with until you finally become the “real” version of yourself?

What if this is simply... you?

Right now.

The woman standing in front of the mirror.

The woman raising kids, the woman building a career, the woman starting over, the woman figuring out who the hell she is now, the woman who has changed because life changes us.

Your body isn't a renovation project, and your life doesn't need to be put on hold while you renovate it.

Maybe the goal isn't loving your body. Maybe it's living in it.

This is where body neutrality really resonates with me.

Because I don't want women spending the rest of their lives obsessing over whether they love their bodies enough.

I want them living.

I want them wearing the fucking dress, going to the beach, having incredible sex, taking the photograph, eating the cake, getting naked, growing older.

Taking up space, being seen, making memories, existing without constantly monitoring whether their body is acceptable enough to be there.

Because your body is not a waiting room.

This is your life.

And this is the body you're living it in.

So, fuck perfect.

I'm launching something new because I think we're overdue for a different conversation.

Body Talk with Brooke is going to be an ongoing series about bodies, confidence, aging, motherhood, sexiness, comparison, self-image and all the bullshit we've been taught to believe about ourselves.

Not polished advice.

Not “10 ways to love your body.”

Not pretending that every woman wakes up feeling incredible about herself every day.

Just honest conversations about what it's actually like to live in a body.

Because I think we can stop making our bodies the problem, we can stop waiting.

We can stop treating photographs like proof that we were once thinner, younger or prettier.

We can stop believing we need to earn the right to feel sexy.

And maybe we can start making a little more peace with the body we have.

Not because it's perfect, because it's ours.

The body you have is not a waiting room.

It's your life, let's live it.

Fuck perfect.